It's that time of year to prepare for holiday dinners, reminiscing on the good old days, and visiting those we may not see but a few times a year. When families live far away from one another, the holidays may be the only opportunity that long-distance caregivers and family members have to personally observe older relatives. Age-related decline can happen quickly. Family members who haven't seen their aging loved one since last year may be shocked at what they see: a formerly healthy father looking startingly frail, or a mom whose home was once well-kept now in disarray.
And the number of caregivers considered long distance is significant. According to a study conducted by the National Alliance of Caregiving, in collaboration with AARP, 15% of the estimated 34 million Americans who provide care to older family members live an hour or more away from their relative.
Changes That Indicate the Need to Take Action
For those who have relied on regular telephone conversations and assessment by other closer-living relatives to gauge aging loved ones' well-being, the upcoming holiday visit may be revealing. Absence – even for a short period – often allows us to observe a situation through new eyes.
1. Weight Loss
One of the most obvious signs of ill health, either physical or mental, is weight loss. The cause could be as serious as cancer, dementia, heart failure or depression. Or it could be related to a lack of energy to cook for a loved one or just themselves, the waning ability to read the fine print on food labels or difficulty cleaning utensils and cookware. Certain medications and aging in general can change the way food tastes. If weight loss is evident, talk to your loved one about your concern and schedule a doctor's visit to address the issue.
Pay close attention to the way your loved one moves, and in particular how they walk. A reluctance to walk or obvious pain during movement can be a sign of joint or muscle problems or more serious afflictions. And if unsteady on their feet, they may be at risk of falling, a serious problem that can cause severe injury or worse.
3. Emotional Well-Being
Beware, too, of obvious and subtle changes in your loved ones' emotional well-being. You can't always gauge someone's spirits over the telephone, even if you speak daily. Take note for signs of depression, including withdrawal from activities with others, sleep patterns, lost of interest in hobbies, lack of basic home maintenance or personal hygiene. The latter can be an indicator not only of depression, but also of dementia or other physical ailments including dehydration, a serious condition sometimes overlooked in elders in the winter months. If you notice sudden odd behavior with your loved one, be sure to seek medical attention as it could be a urinary tract infection which is prevalent in elders and easily resolved with antibiotics.
4. Home Environment
Attention must also be paid to surroundings. For instance, your parent may have always been a stickler for neatness or for paying bills promptly. If you discover excess or unsafe clutter and mail that has piled up, a problem may exist. Also, keep an eye out for less obvious indications for concern. Scorched cookware, for example, could be a sign that your parent forgets if the stove is on. An overflowing hamper could mean he or she doesn't have the strength and/or desire to do laundry. And by all means, check prescriptions and medication bottles for expiration dates; and make note of all prescriptions your family member takes and place that information in your personal files as well as the elder's wallet in case of an emergency.
How to Handle Signs of Decline
There may be other areas of concern, specific to your family member. Should this year's holiday visit open your eyes to current and potential problems or negative changes in your loved one's physical or emotional state, then it's time to put a plan of action in place.
First, have a heart-to-heart conversation with your elderly loved one about their present circumstances, concerns and the measures they'd like taken to make things better. Introduce the idea of a health assessment appointment with their primary care physician. Would they feel more at ease if a home health aide visited a couple times a week? Maybe they have legal questions and would greatly benefit from an appointment with an attorney. Have they prepared their legal documents? Have they appointed a Power of Attorney? Or they may need help with housecleaning or bill paying.
While you may want to keep things light during the holiday season, do take this opportunity to collect all necessary information now to avoid frustration and confusion in the event of a crisis down the road. Create a "go to" list of services to include friends, neighbors, clergy, attorneys, financial advisors, and all others who your family member has regular contact with. Schedule a meeting over the phone or in person with your siblings or any other family members that may be involved in the care or decision making of your elderly family member.
And remember to give your loved ones the power and permission to be in control of their own lives – as much as is reasonable. The more systems you have in place the more your loved one will be kept independent and safe in their own home, giving you peace of mind as you return home from your holiday and future visits.
Call the team at Heritage Law Group PLLC to help plan your legacy or the legacy of your loved ones at (615) 989-7054.
Heritage Law Group, PLLC is a boutique Estate Planning and Elder Law firm assisting residents in Tennessee and Kentucky. We are dedicated to providing client-centered, professional legal services that are individualized through one-on-one consultations with our attorneys. We delight in empowering our clients and community through education and providing specialized resources. Our integrity-driven team will help you protect your legacy while delivering outstanding quality at a reasonable cost.
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